Guilt & Motherhood

When you have a baby they say you have an instant overwhelming rush of love. What they don’t mention is the big fat chunk of guilt that comes along with it.At nearly every stage of your childs life, the guilt is there in different forms.

As Joshua is getting older and understands more he’s becoming more of a mummy’s boys. (I’ve waited two years for that! He LOVES his dad) 

This morning I was getting ready for work, and I was running late so I was rushing around trying to get out the door. 
Joshua was desperately trying to get my attention because he wanted to show me something exciting that was happening on Paw Patrol and I literally had zero time to spare so had to tell him ‘mummy was busy’ the look on his face was like taking a bullet. Guilt number 1.

With literally two minutes to spare, I realised that Joshua who was still trying to communicate with me, (his speech is still delayed, I previously wrote about it here) was actually trying to show me he had done a poo on the floor and was it was in the way of his strawberries! 😂😩 Guilt number 2.

As I made a mad dash for the stairs, Joshua decided he wanted me to put his shoes on and come with me to work when I said no, he sat on the floor and cried. I could hear him crying as I left through the door. Guilt number 3. 

Normally this sort of stuff doesn’t bother me as much. But today for some reason as I left the door, I felt so guilty. Then it hit me that this was just many of the times that guilt will grace me with its presence. 😩😩

I wonder if it gets better or considerably worse, I suppose only time will tell! 😭


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