Guilty or Not Guilty?

Throughout my pregnancy with Josh I had all these ideas about what type of mother I was going to be. An earthy, organic, super Mother Earth type! And of course I was going to breastfeed without a doubt!What I quickly learnt is that all those ideas got thrown out the window, and I was just in survival mode for about 6 months.

As my maternity leave approached it’s end date, I felt gutted. I so wanted to be a stay at home mum, the endless strolls, coffee meets and play dates (which meant meet my friends and watch TOWIE while the babies played). The reality is I had to go back. I also felt terribly guilty that I was leaving my child with someone else! On Joshua’s settling in day at the childminders he hardly noticed I was gone! Great, I thought…he’s going to forget I was his mum! (Drama queen I know) 
Anyway my first day at work came and to my surprise I really enjoyed it! It was great that I got to dress in non gym wear, have adult conversations and actually use my brain. The break was actually refreshing. 

As I got back into the full swing of work, and as Josh got older I started to compare his development with a few of my stay at home mum friend’s children of similar or younger ages. Josh was taking his time in learning to talk and I started to blame myself. I convinced myself that if he was at home with me he would learn loads, I also work quite long hours so again the guilt crept in!It took me a while to find the balance and stop feeling guilty. Ultimately I’m proud to be a working mummy! I want Joshua to grow up and know the value of hard work and to have the type of lifestyle I can afford due to working! This is not to devalue the hard work it goes into being a stay at home mum. It’s hard fu**ing work! I’m pulling my hair out by Sunday and can’t wait for him to go to childcare come Monday morning! Some women are built for it, I’m just not one of them…Ultimately a happy mum is a happy child. You also can’t plan what type of mum you’ll be, you just have to let live and all that jazz! So my verdict…not guilty!Xxx 

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